Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Stitch together (part 10): The final chapter

One of the best features of the Minnow office was we were running an Apple network and we all had isight web cams and ichat instant messaging. These are very useful tools for external conferencing and internal communications. We used them to communicate back and forth about what a loon Todd was and what a joke the place was. I actually had a clown face for my icon and my desktop picture on my computer.

The main problem with the company, from day one, was that we were promising machines to customers that we couldn't produce. We were actually producing upwards of 25 machines a week, which would seem like a good thing... But, there wasn't enough demand for the machines we were producing, the only real demand for machines was for the machines we couldn't make, how ironic. Basically, Minnow was running in reverse, instead of producing machines based on customers needs, we were making machines that nobody wanted. I would often say: "you'll have a milk" in reference to a great Milk advertisement from years ago.

It was after New Years now and I was fielding multiple calls from frustrated and irate customers on a daily basis. from Hong Kong to Warsaw.

I was frantically looking for ways out of Minnow. Trying to get another job was priority one, but if I wasn't having much luck. The way I figured it, Todd- the toad, was going to have to fire me because I wasn't going to quit and let him win. After all, he roped me into this bogus company by lying to me and such, I wasn't just going to lie down and quit.

For months, I had been asking Todd to put together a sales plan, marketing plan, any plan!!! But he resisted saying that: "it was too early" or some bull. His tune changed after new years and we were beginning to pile up machines that hadn't been sold. We had a meeting and in a very desperate moment, he told me that I needed to put together a plan to sell machines- by all means necessary. I asked him: "why the change of heart", since he had resisted a plan for so long. And he told me that production was going to out pace sales. I asked how many machine sales we were ahead? That right there shows how crazy that place was, I'm the salesman don't even know how many machines we have sold. Anyways, Todd said that we had six weeks machine production sold, so we needed to act fast.

I knew this was a lie and that we barely had one weeks production of machines sold, so I knew this was going to be great. I set out for a week with my headphones on (to limit the many distractions), getting to work on a sales and marketing plan. I was keeping it simple and efficient, no frills, because I knew Todd wasn't going to spring for any money for actually doing marketing. We had scheduled a meeting with Todd, Teddie (Todd's bro), Tammy (our logistics coordinator from the other side of the building) and myself.

I get all my notes together and print out copies of the sales plan and I was pumped up to actually get to work. We all settle in and Todd asks Tammy how many machines we had sold? She counted up her machine tallies from her spreadsheets and said: Twenty-four, one weeks production. Just as I suspected, the fool lied to me yet anther time, this time I was going to call him on it, I said: "why did you lie to me"Todd: "I didn't lie to you" Me: "yea you did, you told me we had 6 weeks production sold, last week". Todd, trying to backpedal says, "no, no I didn't" and I shot off: "you're a liar, why did you lie to me?". Todd flipped, because I had called him out in front of his little brother and Tammy, who's an unassuming, kind hearted woman.

Todd shot out of his chair like a rocket and got right in my face with his finger and shuttered: "I didn't lie to you, I'm not a liar!!!". He was so mad, his nostrils were all flared up and he looked like a wild bull. I knew this comment really sunk in and he was bullshit. I thought he might take a cheap shot swing at me because he was right in my grill with his hand in my face as I was sitting calmly in my chair.

So I decided the game was over and I said: "Get the f&*$ away from me" and he spouts off, visually shaken, "you no longer work for this company". I was like, great, you'll be hearing from my attorney and went off to pack my stuff and get out of that place, but no it wasn't over yet, because when he heard me say lawyer, he freaked again and followed me out to my computer saying: "please leave the building", over and over... With Teddie chiming in saying the same thing. I was actually pretty calm throughout the whole event and told them that I was just getting my things and was outta there. We are literally talking like 30-45 seconds. Teddie, the brainwashed fool that he was, says: "Mark, just pleased leave" sounding like a little boy, although he's 6foot 3 inch grown man. I had had it with Teddie too, because even though he seemed harmless, he was just as dastardly as Todd and deserved a mouthful too, I shot off: "Ok Teddie. Duh, duh, duh" making fun of his oafishness follower style and mockingbird reiteration.

It was a beautiful winter day, the sun was in full peak, and I was a happy man, never to have to go back to Minnow again. Geoff followed suit within the next few weeks and Rick a few months after....

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